Facing Fear, Finding Myself

January has always been a month of reflection for me. It is the time when I slow down, look back, and truly sit with what the previous year taught me. When I reflect on 2025, one theme continues to rise to the surface: belonging.

I realized that I have still been struggling with where and with whom I truly belong. I think that struggle has been one of the main things holding me back from fully moving forward. What is wild is that I do not just think this. I feel it deep in my soul. I feel the blockage.

Alongside that feeling is another powerful force: fear.

Fear of letting go of things I once believed I needed, even though deep down I know I do not. Fear of being alone. Fear of never having children. Fear of never walking down the aisle in a wedding dress. These thoughts create anxiety that sits heavy within me.

Last year, I also found it difficult to trust people, especially those I believed had my best interest at heart, only to realize they were really protecting their own. I saw people’s true colors. People I thought truly saw me. And that realization hurt.

It forced me to ask myself some uncomfortable questions. Why am I always seeking to be seen by others instead of finding that within myself? Why do I crave validation from people outside of me?

The answer always circles back to the same place: not feeling enough.

I speak about self love often, but the truth is that self love is not a destination. It is a journey. A never ending one. As humans, we are constantly evolving. Our environments change. Where we work changes. The struggles we move through, both good and bad, shape us. Our habits shift. Our hobbies evolve. We grow.

Right now, I am learning that becoming comfortable with being alone is essential. If I do not enjoy my own company, why would I expect anyone else to? If I do not like who I am, how can I expect others to show up differently for me? At the end of the day, it always starts with me. How I show up for myself sets the tone for how others show up for me.

I am currently overseas visiting my older brother, and this experience has been both beautiful and heavy. There have been moments of laughter and joy, and there have been days where I cry because I can feel that change is coming. I feel it deeply. And I have to ask myself if I am welcoming it or resisting it.

I also took a solo trip to Brussels, and it was exactly what I needed. I moved on my own terms. I saw what I wanted to see. I enjoyed my own company. The people I met were kind and welcoming. It felt like confirmation that I need to do this more often. That I need to travel. That I need to experience life solo sometimes.

I am on a journey of self discovery. I am learning who the woman I am becoming truly is. I am allowing things to leave my life, whether that is people or opportunities that no longer align with me. I am choosing clarity over confusion. Peace over chaos. Intention over distraction.

If you have ever found yourself in this space, I want you to know that you are not alone and you are not broken. You are simply on a journey, one that is not meant to be rushed or resisted.

2025 was about embracing fear. Not forgetting everything and running from it, but facing everything and rising.

Here is to 2026.

Let’s do this.